So you just started dating some hottie and you’re like, ‘We would have some cute ass kids together,’ aaaaaaand, I’m gonna go ahead and stop you right there. There is SO much more that is important when finding your life long partner than looks! Looks are a bonus, but how about your values? Do they align? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Do you think this new hottie is someone who can join along or will he keep you back? I know, its probably impossible to just guess, but a lot of the times, the red flags are there! In fact, hindsight is 20/20 and I promise you, if you take a look in that rearview, they are going to be there with a glowing ‘mistake’ sign every single time. Take a look at the list I’ve compiled below of all the important traits to look for in a partner. Trust me, I’ve done the leg work.
In order for a relationship to work, both people need to be seen and heard.
- Is he genuinely kind? I like to take a look at the core of a person before I allow them to step one foot in my life. Have you ever met a guy who was just a total gentleman the entire date, but then he is rude to the waiter? That person is not a kind person. That person is an asshole. If you find yourself with a guy who brings you flowers just because or offers to help you with a menial task while expecting nothing in return, then you’ve got yourself a nice guy.
- How is his temper? This is a HUGE red flag for me. I actually ended a relationship after I witnessed some dudes episode of road rage. You want to remember that eventually, you will be at the other end of this rage and while you might not think so now, this can turn fatal if they get super heated, super fast. Watch out for this one, it can literally save your life. If you are in an abusive relationship, please contact the domestic violence hotline at
- Communication. It’s honestly kind of sad that we live in a dating world now where we think that a guy with communication skills is the end all, be all! But alas, it is super important. How is the communication when there’s an argument or even just a little spat? Does he talk over you? Does he raise his voice? Does he walk away? While walking away can sometimes diffuse the argument and is even suggested, if its just plain dismissal from this guy, then you do the dismissing for good. In order for a relationship to work, both people need to be seen and heard.
- Aspirations. A lot of the men that I have met have had huge, great, impressive aspirations….and I’ve also steered away from these guys because they were usually the douchier ones. But, veer too far from the right, and you’ll end up with someone who has no goals, no motivation, no aspirations. There is literally nothing worse for a growing relationship than someone who doesn’t want to work hard in life if that is important to you. How are you supposed to make a living if your partner doesn’t want to work? How are you supposed to grow if they don’t mind staying stagnant? Remember, mediocrity to the mediocre seems great.
- Fidelity. Hello, fidelity. While a lot of couples have open relationships or don’t consider infidelity a deal breaker, there is a good chunk of us who like to kick it old school. Don’t ignore the signs. If you find a girl-friend crashed in his bed after a party, don’t take that lightly. Sorry, bish, but they invented couches for a reason. I had a little something questionable happen to me and when I reached out to the women my man was talking to, one of them was such a cunt in her response. They were totally guilty. Trust and believe when I say that if fidelity is important to you, then you’re not gonna wanna bend when shit comes up. They are who they are and PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE. Keep it, moving, girl.
- Abusive. This can be in any kind of sense: emotionally, physically, sexually, financially, etc. Often times, women don’t even know they are being abused, especially when it’s emotional or financially. If your dude says things like, “if I buy you this, then you have to stay with me” or if he’s telling you that you can’t spend your hard earned money on things you want, then this is a troubling sign. Of course, every situation needs to be assessed; if you are both saving to buy a home or there is a bad spending habit that needs to be taken care of, then this might actually be a really good partner!